The Hook : You’re either “On” it or “Off” it

How many times have you heard this from a girl? “I like you; you’re a great guy, but I am not ready for a relationship right now.” Of course, the “We’ll always be great friends” will also be thrown in.

What exactly does “not right now” mean? I first heard something on these lines around 12 years back and I still fail to understand any of it. Does it mean, “Not right now”, but “sometime in the future”? Or does it mean that “dude, you just have to try harder, I am not giving in so easily!” Well, volumes can be written on this, but this post is not about what that phrase means, but about “THE HOOK”.

Yes, either you’re “Off the Hook” or you’re “On it”. And it works both ways; I might be on someone’s hook while I might be keeping someone else on the hook. But it all starts with those 3 words “not right now.” I guess it stems from the fact, that the other person is a good friend and you probably enjoy spending time with them and wouldn’t want to lose them. However what we fail to consider is that slowly and steadily, they start weaving their own little dream world; thanks to the “not right now” hook. Probably you are selfish and don’t want to lose the friendship and rapport you share with the person so you just keep putting it off rather than facing it. A point to note though is that the longer you keep on with it, that dream world will become more real for the person on the hook and when you burst that bubble, its going to be very painful for them, and will in all probability result in the end of all relations between the both of you; no one takes rejection well J. But I guess that’s the solution – Out of sight = Out of mind!

In my opinion there are two ways of doing it. One is say some nasty stuff, make the girl cry… Yeah I hate that, but just can’t help it and ensure that she starts hating you to the point that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. The other is to have a calm and cool talk with her and explain that things will never work out. Yes, she might cry in this case as well, but there is a slight chance that you may not lose her friendship at least. Which solution one goes for totally depends on the kind of person they are and what they are comfortable with? I would always go with solution one for one simple reason. The pain is substantial, but it only lasts at that point of time, post which most would come to terms with the situation and move on hating me. I can live with that and comfort myself that they underwent short term pain for some long term gain. As for solution two, if you are once again at your diplomatic best, you might just end up placing the person on the hook one more time, just so that you don’t hurt them. I am not denying the fact that there might be several other ways, but these are the two that I know of. And trust me, solution two has been used on me quite extensively however I would just end up being hopeful and waiting for something to happen.. J

Also, a few more phrases which I have come across other than “not right now”. The other phrases which I have heard are “my parents wont approve of this right now”, “I need to focus on my studies right now” – The first two were of course school favourites, “I don’t think I am ready for a relationship right now”, “I’ve never seen you THAT way” , “Being in a relationship increases the expectations and just ruins everything – what we have is so perfect” and the current favourite, “I am really focused on my career right now” and so on and so forth.